A Close Encounter With Myself...

2011 has been the year of the greatest intensities I have encountered so far in myself.

While it was just the beginning of 2011, I realized I was losing something in me and that was my strong urge to pen myself down on piece of paper. I was hollow, directionless and couldn't really comprehend why such phase was taking its toll. But surely I was ready to let myself just be free and brave enough to listen to my deepest core. Recollecting few pages of 2011 makes me realize it has been an interesting journey till now and so on..

"..so these days am not really expressing myself because if I let loose, there would be an explosion. I have developed so much understanding for myself and people around me. And I dont want all that apprehension to go in vain. Silence is the best state to be in at present. Yes, this is making me a bit suppressive but also more contemplative towards the uproar in me, let it be.. May Love Prevail"

"This is what I call “ The Closer nd Honest Encounter with Myself". I'm not resistant towards revealing anything to myself as whatever happened has reasons behind. I have my own life with my own way of living and that way is not to think much. When I think so much, I stop living. I enjoy the moment is in its spontaneity. May be thats the way to come face to face with real YOU. This way you might not get twisted in your own chains and lose yourself. Also keeping a check is important that none is getting hurt by your ways."

"Love is not a pastime for me, it's an opportunity to know myself by being with you. Watch you bringing out best in me and me doing the same. Nothing else is so beautiful and magical in this universe. Being in love is in essence also being in love with myself."

"It’s a tricky thing to answer "don’t you miss being in a relationship?" I said "I don't miss being in relationship, I miss being in love". Its a bumpy ride on the way as I have started expressing myself. Why am I so resistant? Things are getting way too tangled here in my head. Oh I feel a broken heart on its way. May be I can foreclose this, may be its not too late."

"I'm a satellite star..Lost in the dark..Im spun out so far..You stop I start..but I'll be true to you no matter what you do...yeah I'll be true to you." Deja vu may be, dont know but I again had this song whirling in me and I knew it right then and there- I was caught up in something. I was. Now I understood what was the association of this constant fixation. That piece of music was somehow getting itself associated to you and the baffling emotions and what not !"

"Why? May be I wanted myself to be free and brave. I knew how to float up on ( quite literally), but I gave you chance to hold me and teach me how to float and drift away. I closed my eyes and got drifted away."

"Life's very interesting when you love yourself. You start loving each and every moment of life. Simple as that. Its all about that self-touch I do things so passionately. I would never want to lose that. Its just a matter of little self-realization, when you get to know that you are evolving from your pains and scars. And it's not really that difficult for an incorrigible optimist like me."

"If you are in my words, on the pages of my diary, you surely have etched yourself - somewhere in me."

"Trust is something greater but simpler than Love, I believe. Love can be illusive and confusing at times, trust is not. If you break trust, you surely dont know what is love. Not your fault, your have never known what is it like to  trust and be trustworthy...May The Trust Prevail"

" They say "Everything happens for a reason". But at times the way things happen is only because you are busy proving your wish to be moony and refrain taking/giving chances.   It’s pointless to shut off every feeling or accept your present based on this line. It's really pointless. "


But the story had only just begun unveiling gradually in front of me
and before I could know what was going on..
and before my mind could connect with my heart..
it was too late to interfere,
it was too late for me to rectify anything possible
It was too late. 

 I loved every bittersweet moment of it
as it did revive me,
it made me feel more
it made me cry, shout, beg
it made me smile,
and love and love and love..

it is in these pages..
it is these emotions and not only someone
it is here
 where I fell in love..

I often find myself re-reading, skimming through the words that made me feel the intensity in me and there are some instants that are just outstanding ! 

Sometimes words are what you really wish for to appear and make you feel complete.
And when they don't show up....


THE ENDING IS JUST THE BEGINNING...

It has been a roller-coaster ride and...Hey !  I..OH.. I'M STILL  ALIVE ...YEAH !  :)



....to be continued...

Earning MYSELF

present page:

I welcomed the quiet hours of late afternoon. None would disturb me, I could make a smoky tea and sit in my usual place listening to music. Hoping that the wisdom of objects would make some difference to me. here, surrounded by my books and works of mine and my aura, I would surely see the need to stay in one place. I had been an emotional nomad for too long. hadn't i come here weak and bruised to put a fence round the space HE now threatened?

Oh, may be, he dint threaten me at all. I threatened myself. My spontaneity has earned me - myself.

New day says: Its time to Shimmy!

Yes it is MONDAY ! A new day, a new week ! 

I like mornings for a simple reason, you can start yourself fresh in any given thing ! So its always exciting how would you start on with your day. Questioning yourself is crucial. Are feeling fat lately? Are you thinking of your new project? Are you planning a holiday? Do you feel like working today? Or you woke up with "Oh no its Monday-blues"...? HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I would repeat again "Its always exciting how you would start on your day" Yes, it really matters. No matter whatever you do whole day, how mechanically you do it but your morning must be given a thought. Or rather consciously planned.

Wake up, have a smile on your face ( yes yes , i know you have heard this many times, but how often do you consciously do it?),  put on some music(some catchy tunes, meditative ones, whatever works ), dont like music in early morning? do some stretching, have some good cup of tea, read a news paper, do anything you feel is worth your time and energy, do you like planning your day?Does that makes you motivated? Hell then, do it !! Or you just like going with the flow? ..then let your flow...:) 

Just remember, no two days are alike; so dont think of bad day you had. Dont let the blues of yesterday overpower today's wonderful plan. Throw it into your dustbin and start fresh. You cant always be sad or happy. Little bit of change is always spicy, isnt it? ;) So what most importantly matters is keep on trying to be happy and know what you are becoming day by day ! I guess that does it all ! Simple? So am holding on to it since like years and am going pretty well ! :)

Since I have become so lazy lately and hogging like a pig, today I thought I would start over with my workouts again to feel bit more energetic and happy. Yes sweating makes me happy. And to add on more, music works wonders ! That sweat dances with me as well ! hell with those fats, I dont care if they cry. ;) And am feeling like a super-human again... :p

For thousands of years women from the cradle of civilization have maintained their beauty and explored their sensuality with the ancient practice of belly dance. This series — designed by Kim Pechet, a belly dance instructor and fitness professional — brings the secrets of this exotic practice to women all over the world.

Today my workout consisted of somewhat stretching followed by 23 minutes of belly workout. Trust me it feels ecstatic to burn that fat with music and sensual workout!  It truly inspires you to have typical belly-dancer's body. They look like goddesses doing strenuous steps so easily while smiling all the way through! Isnt that great if you could be that way? I wish I had that body, I would keep on smiling whenever and however asked !  Me with my girlfriends used to have lotf fun practicing these belly dance moves, but now im making it my fitness regime. Nothing better than that, trust me. So here I am with the downloaded videos of the show Shimmy. 

Heres the official site http://www.shimmy.tv/ 

So lets Shimmy !!!


p.s.The videos can be downloaded from torrent as well as you tube.

BEING FEMININE

Since the day Navratri has begun, there are sparkles and colours all around that would  fascinate and en­chant any man you meet. From casual to traditional, the entire attractiveness-quotient has changed. 

Interestingly every girl or woman would look something above-the-top and feel the same. Is it because of haute couture lehenga-choli with deep cut patterns, the dance, the whole mood of just FEELING feminine no matter how.

So what is femininity exactly? 

To quote Sue Patton Thoele, the Divine Feminine is inclusive, honouring of process, empowered, intuitive, compassionate, complementary, connective, cooperative, diffuse, relational, gentle, receptive, empowering, forgiving, introspective and healing. This list is not exhaustive but it’s certainly a start.

Do you have to listen Rihanna, watch Angelina Jolie or imitate Cameron Diaz to match your idea of femininity? Do you doubt your femininity? Do you have to wait for an occasion to feel it or some guy to help you realise?  Does 0.7 waist–hip ratio Or an hour-glass shape makes one feminine?

Its hard to even know what’s the idea of femininity in these times, so pointless relying on some fictitious idea which hardly matches yours. Is it really right to compartmentalize the idea of femininity according to sociology, psychology and biologically. Is it something prevalent in both the sexes?

I have met many women who tell me they are bad at being “feminine”. Now this makes the idea messy. Feminine is defined as something associated with women. So you have it lady! 

Why to keep on searching it outside and be doubtful.  Its is something inside your mind, which makes you feminine. Your confidence, your stand on what you are, care, compassion and love for those around you makes you feminine. Not that men doesn’t have care and compassion, but their way of expression differs.   

 They say, The Birth of Venus (Botticelli) is a classic representation of femininity. Venus was a Roman goddess principally associated with love, beauty and fertility.

So the question arises again. Is femininity being loving, fertile, beautiful ?
Is femininity being “fairer-sex”?
Or is it simply enjoying your existence as a woman?
You have been gifted with that body,
 that soul,
 that compassion, that ability to love by birth.

Femininity is that natural-grace regardless of what you wear, you look like, of how you walk or talk. 

Femininity is that unique way you live for yourself, that flow of your life, holding up yourself and others around you in every trouble.

Being feminine is taking pride in what you are, how you look. There’s nothing shallow in dressing up like a Barbie and putting on a makeup! Also nothing so awesome than going out just out-of-a-bed look!

Being feminine not always defines elegance and grace, but also laughing on yourself when fallen in front of others.

Feminine not always is to be delicate, tender, and fragile; it is also most importantly to feel strong. Its not always necessary to be strong, to feel strong!

Remember the time when you felt feminine. What you were doing, how you looked, how you sounded; see yourself as someone else.

        


Why not just enjoy every bit of love, 
care, 
compassion,
 strength, 
sacrifice, 
enjoy the warrior-inside,
 enjoy the vulnerable-soul inside and name it YOUR femininity! 

Its about random inspirations..

Its a random world..
starts random, ends random

Inspiration lies everywhere..on a random face

in a random look..

In a random act,

even in a simple hook...

In a dead man's funeral
- a sleeping man under a tree
in a careless youth..
in a will to be free..

From a six-strings chord,
to a seamless desire;
In a newly felt love, 

and its burning fire..

In a music at right moment,
and endless passing thoughts;
In how much have you lost yourself,
and how much have you fought..

In a dreaming- eyes,which

crazily paint her life..

In smiling baby's look,
and your honest wife.. 

Inspirations are random

wandering like phantoms
floating images
open mazes...

Lost, so to be continued...

what are your inspirations like?

I don't practice Love. I am the love.

Once upon a time,

Deep in the way of solitude

As I walked along with his grace

Of a sudden, my sight ..

got Struck by his inner-face.

A face, with solemn eyes

with magic they often hide....

with some inpenetrable mystery

-that made my heart loud inside.

A desire to talk,

A desire for a smile

Started beckoning me

But something kept me aside.

He stood by his presence....

there were reasons for everything

They way he looked at me,

The end and the beginning...!

Everytime I saw him

With the utter nudity of his existence

He-trying to hide his uncertainities

His determined persistence..

turned my eagerness into curiosity..

He pretended of his dislike-

but those glances of something cooked

So I was on the edge

of being hooked!

A difference was he,

which God has created

difference which I couldn;t detect

And for me,

he was a curious fact ..

Every meeting of my eyes

with that of his wonders

Introduced me a puzzle

to ponder upon for hours..

One day,

as I caught those eyes ..

and that glint of pain

No musing had ever-

given me such a gain..

He wasn't like the rest

and was wonderful to behold

Unique in his own ways..

As I did see every effort..

while his beautiful heart tried to unfold.

Subborn were his ways,

of not letting me know

where he would lead me to

ahh love's a turbulent-flow..

Was that a true feeling..

a feeling- so forthright

Or was that an illusion

which reflected so bright..

Sometimes we just assume

that love will be..

Untill you turn someday

and no love you see..

His heart is stout

and soul is brave

His mind is determined

of going his own way ..

Is there a block in that heart

not to feel a pain..?

Or chemistry of hate-

- flowing in his veins..?

Yes, in life-

we all go through..so many changes..

From broken trust,

to different pain-ranges.

The sadness enters our heart

and the emptiness we feel

Brings the traffic of emotions-

that's so hard to deal..

People are to be remembered..

for the reason they were sent..

And as time flows by-

A difference would be made...

Hopefully, some place in time

New life will show..

A fresh love ..

A new heart..

will begin to grow..!

So sickness from harddays in life..

that we see

The medicines of Love..

would cure all that will be...

With Love,

 Love..