A Close Encounter With Myself...

2011 has been the year of the greatest intensities I have encountered so far in myself.

While it was just the beginning of 2011, I realized I was losing something in me and that was my strong urge to pen myself down on piece of paper. I was hollow, directionless and couldn't really comprehend why such phase was taking its toll. But surely I was ready to let myself just be free and brave enough to listen to my deepest core. Recollecting few pages of 2011 makes me realize it has been an interesting journey till now and so on..

"..so these days am not really expressing myself because if I let loose, there would be an explosion. I have developed so much understanding for myself and people around me. And I dont want all that apprehension to go in vain. Silence is the best state to be in at present. Yes, this is making me a bit suppressive but also more contemplative towards the uproar in me, let it be.. May Love Prevail"

"This is what I call “ The Closer nd Honest Encounter with Myself". I'm not resistant towards revealing anything to myself as whatever happened has reasons behind. I have my own life with my own way of living and that way is not to think much. When I think so much, I stop living. I enjoy the moment is in its spontaneity. May be thats the way to come face to face with real YOU. This way you might not get twisted in your own chains and lose yourself. Also keeping a check is important that none is getting hurt by your ways."

"Love is not a pastime for me, it's an opportunity to know myself by being with you. Watch you bringing out best in me and me doing the same. Nothing else is so beautiful and magical in this universe. Being in love is in essence also being in love with myself."

"It’s a tricky thing to answer "don’t you miss being in a relationship?" I said "I don't miss being in relationship, I miss being in love". Its a bumpy ride on the way as I have started expressing myself. Why am I so resistant? Things are getting way too tangled here in my head. Oh I feel a broken heart on its way. May be I can foreclose this, may be its not too late."

"I'm a satellite star..Lost in the dark..Im spun out so far..You stop I start..but I'll be true to you no matter what you do...yeah I'll be true to you." Deja vu may be, dont know but I again had this song whirling in me and I knew it right then and there- I was caught up in something. I was. Now I understood what was the association of this constant fixation. That piece of music was somehow getting itself associated to you and the baffling emotions and what not !"

"Why? May be I wanted myself to be free and brave. I knew how to float up on ( quite literally), but I gave you chance to hold me and teach me how to float and drift away. I closed my eyes and got drifted away."

"Life's very interesting when you love yourself. You start loving each and every moment of life. Simple as that. Its all about that self-touch I do things so passionately. I would never want to lose that. Its just a matter of little self-realization, when you get to know that you are evolving from your pains and scars. And it's not really that difficult for an incorrigible optimist like me."

"If you are in my words, on the pages of my diary, you surely have etched yourself - somewhere in me."

"Trust is something greater but simpler than Love, I believe. Love can be illusive and confusing at times, trust is not. If you break trust, you surely dont know what is love. Not your fault, your have never known what is it like to  trust and be trustworthy...May The Trust Prevail"

" They say "Everything happens for a reason". But at times the way things happen is only because you are busy proving your wish to be moony and refrain taking/giving chances.   It’s pointless to shut off every feeling or accept your present based on this line. It's really pointless. "


But the story had only just begun unveiling gradually in front of me
and before I could know what was going on..
and before my mind could connect with my heart..
it was too late to interfere,
it was too late for me to rectify anything possible
It was too late. 

 I loved every bittersweet moment of it
as it did revive me,
it made me feel more
it made me cry, shout, beg
it made me smile,
and love and love and love..

it is in these pages..
it is these emotions and not only someone
it is here
 where I fell in love..

I often find myself re-reading, skimming through the words that made me feel the intensity in me and there are some instants that are just outstanding ! 

Sometimes words are what you really wish for to appear and make you feel complete.
And when they don't show up....


THE ENDING IS JUST THE BEGINNING...

It has been a roller-coaster ride and...Hey !  I..OH.. I'M STILL  ALIVE ...YEAH !  :)



....to be continued...